TAOISM - Shit happens.

BUDHISM - If shit happens, it's not really shit.

ISLAM - If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

PROTESTANTISM - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

JUDAISM - Why does this shit always happen to us?

HINDUISM - This shit happened before.

CATHOLICISM - Shit happens because you're bad.

HARE KRISNA - Shit happens Rama Rama.

T.V. EVANGELISM - Send more shit.

ATHEISM - No Shit!

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS - Knock Knock. Shit Happens.

HEDONISM - There's nothing like good shit happening.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE - Shit happens in your mind.

AGNOSTICISM - Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

EXISTENTIALISM - What is shit anyway?

STOICISM - This shit doesn't bother me.

RASTAFARIANISM - Let's smoke this shit.